Good day! I nearly died!
(Alright, maybe I didn’t actually almost die but LET ME EXAGGERATE)
Today afternoon, my mother had a wonderful idea.
ME: *minding my own business*
MOM: Hey! Want to make coffee and tea for all of us?
ME: *attempts to run*
Now, do not misunderstand me. I have great respect for the noble art of cooking. But the noble art of cooking hates me. This could be due to the fact that I do not react well with stoves, hot things, powders which look alike, etcetera.
Unfortunately, my mother was determined that I should make tea and coffee.
And so I did…
MOM: Okay so now you take the boiled water from the stove using that *points to thingmajig used to remove hot items from the stove*
ME: … okay. I can do this, I can do this, *reaches for water* I can do this *picks it up* I am doing it, I can do it *almost drops water on leg* I CAN’T DO THIS! HELP! *hurriedly places it back*
MOM: Ssh! It’s okay! Calm down!
ME: I’m going to get burnt!
MOM: No you won’t.
ME: Yes I will!
MOM: Well, my grandma used to have this saying: “Usir enna, vellakattiyaa?” (Roughly translated to: “What is life, a candy (to be so worried about)?”)
ME: … no offence to great grandma mom but didn’t this wonderful saying inspire you to do something? Like bring over a psychiatrist?
After almost burning myself again, I managed to get the water off the stove.
ME: *pouring the water all over the kitchen counter*
ME: MOM! I HAVE JUST DISCOVERED THAT I VALUE MY LIFE WAY MORE THAN A VELLAKATTI (sweet/candy)! HELP!
And I finished making the coffee with minimum casualties.
NEIGHBOURS: *knocking on door* Is everything alright? We heard screaming.
And then the tea.
ME: I want this tea to be black… like my soul.
ME: *makes it*
ME: *disappointed* Well, that’s not very black at all!
After that, I refused to pour the coffee into a mug… for good reason.
MOM: For the love of god, it’s not that hot!
ME: How would you know??? I’M the one who held it and I can assure you that it is ready to join up with the tea and become Firestorm Jr.
MOM: *turns to the heavens and asks all known deities why her daughter is like this* Oh, just give it here!
After everything was set, I slammed one coffee in front of my dad.
ME: You’d better appreciate this! I nearly went to the grave making it!
DAD: *silently asks all known deities why his daughter is such a brat*
I just had the tea I made for myself. It’s way too watery but I do not care. I hope to never make tea or coffee again until I go to college.
EVERYONE: How old is she supposed to be again?
ME: ….. shut up.