Tales From The Kitchen #1

Good day! I nearly died!

(Alright, maybe I didn’t actually almost die but LET ME EXAGGERATE)

Today afternoon, my mother had a wonderful idea.

ME: *minding my own business*

MOM: Hey! Want to make coffee and tea for all of us?

ME: *attempts to run*

ME: *fails*

Now, do not misunderstand me. I have great respect for the noble art of cooking. But the noble art of cooking hates me. This could be due to the fact that I do not react well with stoves, hot things, powders which look alike, etcetera.

Unfortunately, my mother was determined that I should make tea and coffee.

And so I did…

MOM: Okay so now you take the boiled water from the stove using that *points to thingmajig used to remove hot items from the stove*

ME: … okay. I can do this, I can do this, *reaches for water* I can do this *picks it up* I am doing it, I can do it *almost drops water on leg* I CAN’T DO THIS! HELP! *hurriedly places it back*

MOM: Ssh! It’s okay! Calm down!

ME: I’m going to get burnt!

MOM: No you won’t.

ME: Yes I will!

MOM: Well, my grandma used to have this saying: “Usir enna, vellakattiyaa?” (Roughly translated to: “What is life, a candy (to be so worried about)?”)

ME: …

ME: … no offence to great grandma mom but didn’t this wonderful saying inspire you to do something? Like bring over a psychiatrist?

After almost burning myself again, I managed to get the water off the stove.

ME: *pouring the water all over the kitchen counter*

ME: MOM! I HAVE JUST DISCOVERED THAT I VALUE MY LIFE WAY MORE THAN A VELLAKATTI (sweet/candy)! HELP!

And I finished making the coffee with minimum casualties.

NEIGHBOURS: *knocking on door* Is everything alright? We heard screaming.

And then the tea.

ME: I want this tea to be black… like my soul.

ME: *makes it*

ME: *disappointed* Well, that’s not very black at all!

After that, I refused to pour the coffee into a mug… for good reason.

MOM: For the love of god, it’s not that hot!

ME: How would you know??? I’M the one who held it and I can assure you that it is ready to join up with the tea and become Firestorm Jr.

MOM: *turns to the heavens and asks all known deities why her daughter is like this* Oh, just give it here!

After everything was set, I slammed one coffee in front of my dad.

ME: You’d better appreciate this! I nearly went to the grave making it! 

DAD: *silently asks all known deities why his daughter is such a brat*

I just had the tea I made for myself. It’s way too watery but I do not care. I hope to never make tea or coffee again until I go to college.

EVERYONE: How old is she supposed to be again?

ME: ….. shut up.


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Via xxx

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6 Comments Add yours

  1. DV says:

    The struggle is real , my girl. Very real.
    Nice one 🙂

    1. Me: V says:

      Ikr!!! Thanks 🙂

  2. Gayathri says:

    Hilarious.. Would like to invite myself for a cup of coffee..

    1. Me: V says:

      Aunty noooooooo do not put me through the torture of making coffee again! 🙂

  3. vidhyakshaya says:

    Can I come over for coffee? This is just HILARIOUS!

    1. Me: V says:

      Of course you can!!!! But we’re ordering the coffee. 😉

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