Movies are extremely interesting. I believe movies not only add greatly to entertainment, but help us in survival. I will not go as far as to say, I would survive in one of those movies but I would probably survive longer than anyone who died did. You can too. Here are a few basic survival tips for movies.
DISCLAIMER- This is a work of ‘humor’ (or what I call humor which is not humor) and any likeness to real life movies is probably intentional. This post is not meant to cause offence to any moviee so I beg angry fandoms to not hunt me down. No movies or directors were harmed in the making of this…
ONE- Let’s be real. You are only going to get killed by the creepy voice in the abandoned house, if you go TOWARDS the creepy voice in the abandoned house. You will probably survive if you turn right around, head for the door, close it, lock it and run far, far away.
TWO- You will most certainly get killed by the falling object if you stand right there and stare at it. When you notice it falling, you will have approximately one or two seconds before impact. MOVE! Dive, run, cartwheel, backflip, I don’t care. You will probably be safe if you move even 10 centimetres away.
THREE- Now, what some people in action films don’t seem to realise is, a misunderstanding can most certainly be solved by talking, apologising and explaining. Sure, they might still be a tad mad at each other but at least no one will be dead! No cities are going to be destroyed! No movies will end on a cliffhanger! So, please talk to each other.
FOUR- I don’t care what your mother’s actual name is, but it is probably good to change it to Martha when you’re in a movie. Just saying! Lily’s good too!
FIVE- OK, credit for this one goes to IIsuperwomanII. When random murderor is in your house, FaceTime a friend. Even if you die, we’ll know who it is!
SIX- when you are on an extremely thin bridge, it is easier to hug it and crawl across it. I mean, sure you can go in slow motion looking super cool, but then you will probably fall. Crawling will look stupid but you will have a better chance of not falling. I’d rather look idiotic than die.
SEVEN- Being ‘the one’ not only makes the movie great but you can run through people. That was actually more of an observation than a tip. Sorry.
EIGHT- Please, please, please, for the love of God, kiss the love interest AFTER the fight is over or BEFORE the fight even starts. Kissing while everything is going on not only makes time vanish while, oh I don’t know, a time bomb is about to explode but you are probably going to wind up dead because the bad guy sneaked up behind you and you didn’t even notice!
NINE- However, if the love interest looks like they’re dead, kiss them. I do NOT know how this miracle of science happens but the love interest always seems to wake up after you’ve kissed them.
TEN- If creepy things are going on in your house, please move out. Sell it to that person who always made fun of you in school and move to a nice crowded apartment in the city because these sort of things NEVER seem to happen in a crowded apartment in the city.
ELEVEN- I understand how tempting it is to trust all your friends but do a check. Behind their backs? Yes. Check their rooms, their laptops, their phones, their postbox, their letters, their tumblr, their Facebook, check all of it! It might be untrustworthy but at least you’ll know whose going to betray you and you can run.
TWELVE- When a car is chasing yours in the crowded city, don’t drive faster. Slow down and jump out.
That’s it for this post. Sorry I didn’t post in a week. Love y’all!
(P.S- I didn’t use a GIF for this as I’m typing this from my I-pad with a Bluetooth keyboard and I can’t really save a complete GIF on it)